| At the behest of my counselors, my parents | | | | tempered behavior, which had become quite |
| did their damnest to keep me preoccupied. | | | | irrational up in cowtown during Dad's |
| Preoccupation was essential and theraputic, | | | | absence. Even a heavy dose of good |
| when consistent. Give an ADHD'er an hour of | | | | pentecostal discipline didn't keep me from |
| unsupervised, unmedicated freedom and bad | | | | stirring up trouble at grandma's house. This |
| things happened. I was no different and in a | | | | culminated in the worst butt-whooping up to |
| lot of ways, worse. My impulsive actions | | | | this point when I, a sixth grader, pissed off |
| growing up placed me in a plethora of odd, | | | | a well-known 5th grade bully (he had 20 + lbs |
| harrowing and dangerous situations that, by | | | | on me) whereby I was punched repeatedly in |
| themselves seemed "normal" for that age but | | | | the face during a football game until I was |
| soon I realized they happened with an | | | | bloodied and dazed. I remember well my mother |
| increasing frequency. With the burst of | | | | standing over me, chewing me out for running |
| adrenaline associated with these situations, | | | | my mouth and instigating the whole mess. She |
| my mind was as clear in that moment as it | | | | needn't worry, I thought. My lips won't move |
| would ever be. It was euphoric, enlightening | | | | for a few days anyway for they swelled so |
| and appeared to me (and still does) that I | | | | large even Mick Jagger would be envious.But |
| function at my coherant best when facing a | | | | Dad was back, Mom was happier than she'd ever |
| "fight or flight" situation. So naturally, I | | | | been and we were heading home to San Antonio. |
| put myself in these situations more and more. | | | | By the eighth grade I was a brown belt. One |
| I did a lot of bad. Sometimes I got caught | | | | belt away from black. It was a moment I |
| but mostly I got away with it. For that | | | | longed for and knew it was just a matter of |
| instance of adrenaline and endorphine rush, | | | | time. Mark Nichols continue being my "second |
| I was the smartest, fastest and coolest | | | | father" and continued to impress my parents |
| person on the face of this earth and I was | | | | with his control over me. For a spell, when I |
| untouchable. Or so I thought.I wasn't | | | | became raucheous my folks even resorted in |
| untouchable the evening I spent the night at | | | | threatening to call Mark and tell him of my |
| a friends house, sometime during my 5th grade | | | | antics, which usually stopped the situation |
| year and decided that at 3 in the morning we | | | | or reversed the behavior in it's tracks. I |
| would take his fathers keys and drive his car | | | | still had my moments but they were few and |
| around Lackland Air Force Base. Unfortunately | | | | far between. Achieving shodan status was the |
| for us we passed an MP without our lights on. | | | | most important goal ever in my life up to |
| He waved at us to stop but we plowed ahead, | | | | that point and I wouldn't let my erratic |
| right into a large metal dumpster. We opened | | | | behavior jeopardize that.Everything changed |
| our doors and fled only to be caught and | | | | for me after a particular weekend outing at |
| arrested for joyriding. We were only 10 years | | | | Canyon Lake, although I didn't realize why |
| old. Needless to say my ass looked like that | | | | until much later. Most of the class had |
| of a baboon for a few days and I was grounded | | | | attended this particular outing at our usual |
| until the next winter solstice.It was clear | | | | spot on the lake. Spread out in 3 cabins |
| then to my parents that I needed more than | | | | along the shore one night, most of the |
| baseball and school to occupy my time. My | | | | students slept. In our cabin were myself, |
| violent outbursts at home as well as at | | | | students Dee, Chris C, Stacey C, Mark, his |
| school resulted in excessive paddling and | | | | girlfriend and another male acquaintance. We |
| many instances of "running away." Typically, | | | | kids were running around here and there while |
| I would disappear for about an hour or two. | | | | the adults were sitting at a table consuming |
| Sometimes longer. Once it was for 3 months. | | | | large amounts of alcohol and spewing larger |
| On more than one occasion I threatened | | | | amounts of inappropriate sexual lingo. These |
| suicide and was even found (as I had planned) | | | | conversations peaked my interests and I |
| hanging by my neck from the clothes rack in | | | | listened intently. I giggled at the talk of |
| my closet by my mother. She slapped me across | | | | sex then proclaimed that I knew more about it |
| the head, told me dinner was ready and I | | | | than they thought, which I didn't. No sooner |
| lived another day. I never seriously | | | | did that lie fly from my lips did I find |
| attempted to leave this plane but I've never | | | | myself being walked into the back bedroom by |
| really found it very comfortable living here | | | | Mark's girlfriend. This was pretty damned |
| either.They enrolled me into piano lessons, | | | | exciting for a thirteen year old, I must |
| arts and crafts, boyscouts, sunday school and | | | | admit. She immediately challenged my false |
| church. I went to summer camp, winter camp, | | | | prowess by removing her pants, then her |
| baseball camp. All to no avail. Baseball was | | | | panties, spreading her legs and slowly |
| a given. A ritual necessity for the whole | | | | pushing my head into her crotch. She gave me |
| family. But as in all other aspects of my | | | | a lesson in the fine art of oral sex although |
| life that too saw the best and worst of me. I | | | | she never reciprocated. I am not sure if that |
| was prone to games of brillance, followed by | | | | pissed me off then but it sure does today. I |
| horrendous play. I threw bats, got into | | | | remember tasting strawberry flavoring, like |
| fights, was thrown out of games and even | | | | she had rubbed lip gloss or something down |
| disciplined right on the field for my | | | | there before my pilgramage into the deep, |
| impulsive, angry outbursts. It was a viscious | | | | dark somewhat malodorant forest.I didn't |
| cycle of violence, followed by incredible | | | | remember anything else that happened later |
| affection (guilt perhaps). Of a heavenly | | | | that night for a full 15 + years. The pieces |
| peace one minute and Damian the next.While | | | | were filled in during a recurrent dream of |
| perusing the youth center one day I stumbled | | | | sodomy some years later. That dream then |
| across a martial arts class in progress. Not | | | | became entrenched in my waking moments. Then |
| permitted to enter the dojo I sat just | | | | one day, it revealed it's first and only |
| outside, watching the syncopated movements, | | | | other character besides me. It was Mark Adair |
| the rapid strikes and kicks and the unison | | | | Nichols. It was Mark Nichols who entered my |
| chants of "Ki aye". The sensei, a portly and | | | | room later that night to sodomize me and |
| short man, who wore a thick beared and had | | | | threaten me if I told anyone. It was Mark |
| piercing blue eyes, made his way in and | | | | Nichols who assured my inherently agressive |
| around the class as they continued their | | | | nature would turn violent, but this time |
| lesson.Mark Nichols always spoke in Japanese | | | | directed not towards inanimate objects as had |
| when speaking to his class. Discipline, it | | | | been the norm but towards those I love, my |
| was immediately apparent to me, was the key | | | | friends, the innocent. I trusted no one, not |
| to success as a martial artist as well as in | | | | even my family. I was now armed and ready. |
| life, as my parents tried so desparately to | | | | Ready to take on anyone who threatened me in |
| show me. I knew in an instant that I would be | | | | any way. Fear permeated my existence. To |
| standing in the next class.Over the next 4 | | | | build a wall and to stand guard just inside |
| yrs I would dedicate myself to Mark Nichols | | | | it was my priority now. No one will ever |
| and the "Bushido School of the Japanese | | | | penetrate it's walls ever again to get to me. |
| Martial Arts." The style was Kobodo-jitsu | | | | Those who would try would face a violent |
| with an emphasis on combat and weaponry. I | | | | thumping. I enterend a new world after that |
| immediately became a wiz with the nunchaku | | | | night on Canyon Lake. I didn't even realize |
| and progressed rapidly earning my green belt | | | | why until much later. Looking back, it was |
| within 2 years. I also racked up quite a few | | | | effective in keeping me safe but I also |
| trophies for placing in weapons kata and | | | | realized that while it kept the unsavory out, |
| kumite (fighting). The pinacle came when I | | | | it also kept out those I loved and kept me |
| placed 3rd in kumite at the US Amateur Karate | | | | locked inside a dark, unforgiving, unloving |
| Championship in Houston at age 13 in my | | | | place.From around the time this particular |
| division. A few hours later I was inches from | | | | horror came to light, around age 27, I |
| falling 13 stories from the roof top of our | | | | started carrying a 45 cal bullet with me. I |
| hotel in downtown Houston. Needing an | | | | would purchase the gun after determining |
| adrenaline fix I took the elevator to the top | | | | Mark's where-abouts. I envisioned the marking |
| floor and made my way to the stairs which | | | | M.A.N. on the metal casing for Mark Adair |
| opened up high on the rooftop of our hotel. | | | | Nichols. For he was no man but a sick freak |
| Followed closely by an entourage of kids I | | | | who would get what's coming to him, if only I |
| made my way to the edge and looked over just | | | | could find him. Subsequently it was |
| as a mysterious gust of wind thrust me | | | | determined that Mark Nichols had raped or |
| forward leaving me flapping my arms in | | | | molested several young boys in that class. |
| reverse as fast as I could, at a 45 degrree | | | | One in particular, CB appeared to have gotten |
| on the ledge of the enormous hotel. Then I | | | | the worst of it, when Mark Nichols conned his |
| was pulled back by one of the assistant | | | | family into allowing him to stay at their |
| instructors, who was no older than I. I lay | | | | place, where he repeatedly molested CB over a |
| on the deck of the roof for what seemed an | | | | 2 year period.I suppose because I immediately |
| eternity. I thought my heart was gonna spring | | | | buried the incident in my subconscious, I |
| from my chest like "Alien". I believe I cried | | | | stayed with the class and continued towards |
| for a few minutes and made my way downstairs | | | | my black belt. Coincidentally, almost a year |
| to the safety of my hotel room. Or so I | | | | to the day later, I receive a "speed letter" |
| thought.Mark Nichols took me under his wing | | | | from Sensei Nichols stating that I would soon |
| almost immediately. We went everywhere | | | | test for my black belt and that I should |
| together. He taught me about respect, | | | | start my preparations. I was witness to the |
| discipline and self-control. He lectured me | | | | indoctrination of DDP during her blackbelt |
| about obeying my parents. He even threatened | | | | testing, the thought of what she endured that |
| me. He stayed in close contact with my | | | | day haughted me. DD was pummeled by 3 |
| parents and kept them abreast of my training | | | | instructors for a half hour straight. |
| and behavioral issues. Mom and Dad were | | | | Bloodied and bruised with tears flowing, not |
| immediately impressed and noticed a change | | | | from pride mind you but from pain and |
| within the first months of training. They | | | | humiliation, DD gracefully accepted her black |
| both remember this period as some of the most | | | | belt. Now it was my turn. In hindsite I guess |
| peaceful and productive of my young life. I | | | | all Mark had on his mind was what was going |
| stayed in baseball and continue to relish | | | | through mine. Had I snitched on him? What did |
| this new peace within. I was in awe of this | | | | I remember? Did I know or understand the |
| man who magically "cured" me from my | | | | horrors perpetrated against me that night on |
| impulsive, angry outbursts and helped me | | | | Canyon Lake? I hadn't. It was tucked safely |
| focus my energy on the positive, on the arts | | | | in my subconscious but Mark didn't know |
| and on success and growth. My grades | | | | that.In any event, Mark Nichols, DD and |
| improved, I continued to progress in rank and | | | | Sensei S. commenced to pounding me into |
| eventually was helping the new students in | | | | submission. No gloves were used but the |
| the class. On report of a problem at school I | | | | fingers were taped to prevent gouging of the |
| would not only get a whipping at home but | | | | eyes. And for one half hour I was beaten to a |
| have to take one from Mark as well. I would | | | | pulp until I lay on the mat crying |
| bow into to the dojo only to feel Mark's cold | | | | uncontrollably and bleeding profusely. After |
| eyes fixed on me up until I was called to the | | | | gaining my composure, I was awarded my black |
| center ring where he punched and kicked me | | | | belt, oblivious now of the ass whooping I |
| into submission.This happened more times than | | | | just received but filled with pride at |
| I could count. He would also have the other | | | | achieving such a distinct honor. I had made |
| students/instructors punish me in similar | | | | it. I would go forward and share my knowledge |
| fashion. My 6th grade school year was spent | | | | and skills with others. I would now stand |
| in Ft Worth with grandma but after Dad's | | | | side by side with the other instructors with |
| return from the Phillipines we moved back to | | | | honor, pride and a new-found discipline that |
| Lackland and continued our life there. I was | | | | would change my life for the better. Or so I |
| eager to continue with my training, as my | | | | thought. |
| parents were eager for me to resume my | | | | |