| Christmas is here again. It is a time of year we all | | | | (realizing that you don't want to manipulate or hold a |
| look forward to with excitement and anticipation. But | | | | grudge if he doesn't agree to meet your |
| it can be a time of year when you feel | | | | expectations). |
| overwhelmed, stressed, even depressed. So what | | | | 3. Compromise ("Honey, could you please just do one |
| makes the difference between enjoying the holidays | | | | string of lights around the front roofline of the |
| and having a nervous breakdown? | | | | house?") |
| First of all, we all have certain definitions and | | | | 4. Do it yourself. |
| expectations of what Christmas is. Of course the | | | | 5. Go without lights. |
| most basic reason and definition of "Christ"mas is | | | | Throughout this whole exercise, realize that the |
| that we celebrate the birth of Christ. (A fact that is | | | | whole purpose of putting up lights on the outside of |
| far too often overlooked which we will talk more | | | | your house is to celebrate the festivities, enrich your |
| about in a moment.) Review the following list of | | | | family's enjoyment, and celebrate the love of the |
| typical Christmas events and chores and consider in | | | | season. If your expectations of putting up Christmas |
| these areas what your expectations for the season, | | | | lights detract from that, then it may not be worth |
| and of yourself. | | | | doing. |
| -Making up a gift list | | | | A tradition I grew up with is that every year my |
| -Shopping for those gifts | | | | parents wrote a family Christmas letter summarizing |
| -Making, wrapping, mailing gifts | | | | the events of the year. Often this was the only |
| -Making cards | | | | yearly contact they had with old friends. What a |
| -Writing cards | | | | wonderful tradition! |
| -Holiday baking | | | | However, several years the season got a little too |
| -Getting and decorating the tree | | | | busy. Other events and commitments took priority. |
| -Decorating the house | | | | Sometimes their annual Christmas letter became a |
| -Putting up Christmas lights | | | | New Year's or Valentine's Day letter. (I think I even |
| -Helping with school activities | | | | recall an Easter letter.) That's okay--I've only done |
| -Helping with church activities | | | | Christmas letters perhaps half of the years my |
| -Volunteer or charity work | | | | husband and I have been married. I need to |
| -Traditional holiday events (concerts, plays, festivals) | | | | re-evaluate that as a priority, as I certainly enjoy |
| -Special holiday cleaning | | | | receiving them from others.. |
| -Preparing for houseguests | | | | A friend let me borrow a wonderful book called |
| -Preparing company meals | | | | Unplug the Christmas Machine by Jo Robinson and |
| -Hosting parties | | | | Jean Coppock Staeheli. It was published in 1982 and I |
| -Planning family gatherings | | | | don't know if it is still in print, but it is a wonderful |
| -Preparing for holiday travel | | | | book with much insight as to how to put the love |
| Now that you've mentally determined your | | | | back into the season. These two women have |
| expectations, what are your resources? | | | | conducted many workshops and seminars along this |
| How much time do you have available for these | | | | line before writing the book. Through their research |
| extra activities? | | | | they discovered that the four most important things |
| Do you work full-time or part-time outside your | | | | children really want for Christmas are (no it's not |
| home? | | | | Game Boy Advance, or Bratz Dolls): |
| What everyday commitments do you already have? | | | | 1. Relaxed and loving time with the family |
| Are there other people in your family to whom these | | | | 2. Realistic expectations about gifts |
| things are important and who would be willing to | | | | 3. An evenly paced holiday season |
| help? | | | | 4. Strong family traditions |
| That last sentence is really an important one to | | | | The whole reason we want to give our children gifts |
| analyze. | | | | at Christmas is to show them that they are loved |
| Dilemma: You have an expectation that Christmas | | | | and wanted. This can sometimes be self-defeating |
| just isn't Christmas without having hundreds of lights | | | | when we stress ourselves with so many |
| gracing the outside of your home, trees and bushes. | | | | expectations that we as parents end up being |
| But you have so many other to-do lists that you | | | | grouchy and depressed! And we spend so much time |
| expect your spouse to take care of the lights--(after | | | | trying to accomplish every item on our "to do" list |
| all, your father always took care of that when you | | | | that we even spend less time than normal with our |
| were growing up.) Your husband never grew up with | | | | family. |
| lights on the exterior of the house and it just isn't | | | | I think that is why family Christmas traditions are so |
| that important to him. | | | | beloved and important. It is family time that can be |
| Solution: You either need to: | | | | remembered, counted on and carried on year after |
| 1. Lower your expectation of how the exterior of | | | | year to bring comfort and security. |
| your house will be decorated | | | | This year re-examine what Christmas is and what |
| 2. Convey to your husband how important that is to | | | | you want it to be to you and your family. |
| you and lovingly ask if he would be willing to help you | | | | |