| I started practicing yoga nine years ago because I | | | | on the toilet. When the signs indicated that ovulation |
| wanted to look sexy. I bought B.K.S. Iyengar's Light | | | | might be close, I insisted that my husband and I "try" |
| on Yoga, and taught myself the asanas, following his | | | | every night. Sex became a chore, and when O-week, |
| suggested courses in the appendix. Within a few | | | | as we called it, was over, neither of us was |
| months of regular practice, I could see and feel the | | | | interested in making love for the rest of the month. |
| results. I was strong, limber, and best of all, my | | | | Over a year later, I still wasn't pregnant. Yet I |
| stomach was flat -- a state it hadn't enjoyed since | | | | continued to ignore advice to focus on restorative |
| puberty. I was an immediate convert. | | | | poses during ovulation. I'd gotten pregnant before |
| But a convert to the sport of yoga, not its practice. I | | | | and had a healthy daughter while swimming, biking, |
| treated yoga almost exclusively as an athletic | | | | jogging, and practicing yoga -- why couldn't I again? |
| discipline. I held each pose for the longest period of | | | | Finally, after sixteen months without success, I went |
| time suggested and pushed myself to progress to | | | | to my yoga teacher for help. She suggested I enroll |
| the most advanced poses rather than deepen my | | | | in her therapeutics class, and there she taught me an |
| understanding of the basics. I didn't even bother to | | | | asana sequence, which included a series of supported |
| read Iyengar's introduction, in which he articulates | | | | backbending poses, supported Sirsasana, and |
| some of the basic philosophical principles of yoga | | | | supported Niralamba Sarvangasana (shoulder stand). |
| practice. Nor did I bother to find a teacher until a | | | | She forbade me from continuing my regular practice, |
| good six years after I bought the book. I was doing | | | | and generally discouraged me from participating in |
| Sirsasana (headstand) for years without instruction. | | | | any truly vigorous physical activity, and for once, I |
| Once I did find a teacher, I still ignored her advice: I | | | | followed her advice. I was not breaking a sweat in |
| practiced inversions at home at all times of the | | | | class, but I did leave feeling healthy and restored. |
| month, figuring that the rationale that kept women | | | | Two weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. I still |
| from going upside down while menstruating was a | | | | am, eight months later: my baby's due at the end of |
| sexist holdover from ancient Indian culture. I did | | | | May. |
| standing poses when I was sick, and if I felt at all | | | | It's tempting to attribute the pregnancy to my yoga |
| pressed for time in my practice, Savasana (corpse | | | | teacher's advice and my altered practice, even |
| pose) was the first to go. When I got pregnant for a | | | | though I know I ovulated just before the first |
| second time, I kept up my athletic sequence, | | | | session of the new class. Still, who knows? There is a |
| dismissing the idea that I might try taking things easy | | | | week between the fertilization of an egg and its |
| for a while. | | | | implantation in the uterus -- maybe those first two |
| Then at ten weeks of pregnancy, I went in for | | | | weeks of gentler practice created a friendlier |
| routine checkup and listened in vain for that rapid | | | | environment for that tiny blastula to find a home. It's |
| fetal heartbeat. The nurse squirted on more gel and | | | | impossible to say. But whether or not I can credit |
| pressed the Doppler wand into my belly at every | | | | yoga for my pregnancy, I know it's taught me a |
| conceivable angle, and still, the only sound was the | | | | valuable lesson. I now see the value of a gentler |
| slow drumbeat of my own stubborn pulse. The fetus | | | | practice. Now, when I wake up feeling extra tired or |
| had died inside me weeks earlier, and I hadn't even | | | | with a tickle in my throat, I'm more inclined to |
| known. Two days later, I was in the hospital for a | | | | practice restorative poses and pranayama, rather |
| D&C. | | | | than plowing ahead through standing poses. I now |
| Still, a week later, I was back at my goal-oriented | | | | see yoga as a source of healing, rather than solely a |
| practice, pushing myself as hard as ever. I had to | | | | means toward strength, flexibility, and achieving a flat |
| lose the extra pounds I'd put on, weight I felt I'd | | | | stomach. Yoga is about health -- mental, spiritual, and |
| gained for no good reason. I didn't tell my yoga | | | | physical -- and sometimes being healthy means letting |
| teacher that I'd miscarried until a month after it | | | | go of a goal. It means attending to the intelligence of |
| happened. When I did tell her, she suggested I focus | | | | the body, and taking into account the particular |
| on restorative poses for a while, to help myself heal, | | | | moment you're living in. Pregnancy requires a kind of |
| but I ignored her advice. Enough time had passed, I | | | | physical devotion to the child inside of you, and yoga |
| figured. I felt fine. And besides, restorative poses | | | | -- responsible, attendant, respectful yoga -- requires a |
| wouldn't help me lose any weight. | | | | devotion to the body, mind, and spirit, wherever |
| I was also determined to get pregnant again, as soon | | | | they happen to be on a given day. Yoga's taught me |
| as possible. I charted my cycle fanatically, taking my | | | | something about my tendency toward |
| temperature every morning, monitoring my cervical | | | | bull-headedness; I'm hoping it's a lesson I can take |
| fluid and checking my cervical position each time I sat | | | | into my life as a parent as well. |